My Double Standard

"It's a common double standared of society: They guy gets all the glory the more he can score, while the girl can do the same, but yet you call her a whore." Yes, Lil' Kim, we do applaud the guys who have game and get laid, and look down on girls who fuck too many guys as walking.

We have this double standard. But, why?

Well, it's because of the traditional rules and expectations of our whole dating-relationship world. As guys, we are expected to to have "game" and pick up women. One of the first things that's commented on about a guy is if he can get girls. Guys and girls both make judgements on guys based on this ability which causes a social pressure on guys to be successful at picking up women. It's a positive if he's good at it. And even though there are more women to men in the world, guys have to compete in order to draw the attention of the prettier sex. Across all species of animals, the females want the alpha male of the group--the one who's the strongest, smartest or fastest and who can provide the best genes and protection for the family. Fortunately, we don't have to ram our skulls or fight to the death to prove he's better. But like in many bird species, we do have to flaunt ourselves to attract females. We can sing, dance, or even build a little nest. But the problem competition is that there are winners who are getting blowjobs, and losers who are jerking off.

Who are our winners? These are the guys that for some magical ability can just get girls. They either have the looks (which works perfect for one-night stands), the personality (which can be far superior to looks for most women), or both in which case don't try to compete cause he's a walking panty-dropper. And for the most part, these guys have "game." And what is that exactly? Is it just being able to get laid a lot? Because really, anyone can find someone to have sex with. Or is it being able to frequently attract women of caliber on all levels because of who you are, and not just what you look like. There's plenty of jacked up guys out there who get laid just because they look good. It has nothing to do with who they are so they capitalize on this by going to the gym all the time and buying new button downs or skin-tight bedazzled shirts which unfortunately makes them all look the same. It's their only in for when a girl is just looking to have sex with a guy who has a nice body. Any one of these guys can satisfy a girls need for a one night stand and be "Djais Hot Guy" on her phone. I mean, look at The Situation, would he have to be showing his abs to every girl in the club if he could just normally talk to them and get laid... probably not, we've all seen what a creep he is.

I don't think a lot of guys even understand what having game is. It's not just one aspect of who you are like looks, but the ability to convey your most interesting and fun qualities in order to engage a woman on multiple levels, especially sexual. Because without the sex, you don't have game, you're just a friend. Some girls I feel like may not even know what it is when they see it until it's too late. I've had girls before ask me "Do you have game? Let me see you flirt with me" as if I have canned responses to compliment your or make you laugh. Now to some guys, this is just natural. They are genuinely fun guys who just talk to women... make them laugh and have a good time... and before you know it, she's another notch on his bedpost. They may not even be classically good looking but they pull in pussy because they are truly confident and funny which are huge alpha-male qualities in any woman's book. They have game. A guy who just stands there and looks pretty doesn't. You'd be suprised to see how self-conscious people who are very attractive are. Yeah, they come off cocky and all, but man, make a comment about them getting a little soft around the belly and see what happens.

And like I said, we have losers. These may be the guys who are always in the Let's Just Be Friends Zone, or who don't even try to hook up with girls because they don't think they can. These are the guys who when they get lucky, it's because they were actually lucky. They are the nice guys who for some reason girls can't seem to find when they complain to them about there not being nice guys as they cry over their jerk boyfriends. These guys just don't know how to talk to women on a sexual level, or even at all. This is why there is a huge community of pick-up artists and web forums and live seminars and training sessions focused on teaching guys to meet women. Many guys want to learn how to attract women because they don't know how. They are scared and intimidated of women they see as potential sex objects, because the pussy's on a pedestal. These guys just want to better themselves and their love lives, but these communities are looked down upon as being sleazy and deceitful because they have things like backhanded comments, opening lines, and canned routines. However, these are all just "tools" to get a guy's foot in the door in order to engage a women and attract her. It is a way to learn how to rid themselves of the fear of rejection from women, to build their self-confidence, and learn to portray their true selves in a way that a woman would find them interesting and attractive. How is this any better than a former fatty now sporting an 11-1/2 pack? He's using dumbells to look better, these guys are just learning how to talk to women, how to make them laugh. If however, they are lying and actually decieving women, that's sleazy.

But why have I been talking about all this, because it just shows the pressure there is on guys to try and get involved with women. Almost everything we do is catered to impress women. For most guys, this may mean going to the gym and buying a fancy button down with expensive sunglasses to wear in dark night clubs. Why? Because this gives off the impression that they are strong (able to protect you and fuck you hard), wealthy, and won't realize how ugly you are. Kidding. But no, really. Other guys have parties and make sure their fridges are stocked with alcohol because it's easier to hit on girls when they are drunk. Or they foolishly buy women drinks as an ice breaker. We put on our best clothes, dance moves, and obnoxious-cocky attitudes in front of women so we can attract them. Women don't do that. Women dress the way they do to feel sexy and good about themselves and to impress other women, cause women talk. A lot. About everything. But we do it for them so that they like us, and hopefully like us enough to touch our peepee.

And if we are successful, a woman can choose to give us her phone number, or choose to go out on a date with us, or choose to come with us to have sex. And with our preconceived notion that as guys we need game to pick up girls, once we have, we have validated ourselves as men. Just like I said before, guys are commented on the quantity and quality of girls he gets. The more hot girls he gets, the cooler he is, because there is obviously something about him that is allowing him to be chosen by these women. The more one-night stands a guy has with less attractive girls, then the more he's seen as a guy who's just a horndog and wants to get it in. And if he has low numbers, well then he's probably not good with women, doesn't have game and is kind of a loser. So as guys, we talk about who got laid the night before. If our buddies went out to party one night or went away on vacation, one of our immediate questions is: "Did you hook up with anyone? No one? Not even a stripper?" I've known guys in college who's goal it was to bed one new girl a month. I've known other guys who would make a list of girls they wanted to fuck. And I also knew a group of guys who all went to different spring break locations, but would tally up points depending on how far they got with women. We make ourselves feel better with an ever increasing number of girls. It's in our vocabulary, "He scored. He got lucky." Aside from sloppy hook ups, it means "Hey, I'm actually NOT that bad lucking cause I just had sex with her. I can get girls." Guys even congratulate each other on pulling in a 9, or scoring a threesome, or being cool enough to have a girl just come over to sex you up and leave.

Why does it matter if we can, aside from the fact that we want to get laid (and/or find love)? Because for billions of years, it has fallen on the guys to ask girls out, pay for dinner, buy her drinks, make the first move, fuck her doggystyle, and lastly PROPOSE to her, and if we don't do these things, we feel like less of a man. Are we? No. And even though it's 2011, some girls won't make the first move, won't ask a guy out, and still expect guys to buy them drinks. Let's face it, for the most part, guys have to propose to women. After all the work we did to put our little snakes in your pleasure garden, we have to buy an expensive ring, get on one knee, and profess some unconditional, undying love to you before asking if you will marry us. Will you be my wife? Will you choose me for the rest of your life?

Regardless of the many gender roles in society and individual relationships (Anyone looking for a stay-at-home dad, please inquire within)... when it comes down to it, in the broadest sense, woman have the power. Guys go creepin' at bars and clubs for women to sleep with or date (in which case we should probably go elsewhere, like yoga). We have to approach you and be confident, funny, charming, and decent looking so you don't immediately reject us or take our free drink. Then if you so happen to smile and indulge us with conversation, we have to fight off your 300 Spartan girlfriends who look at us like we crawled out of Satan's asshole. Then, once we have won them over or sent our drunken wingmen after them or strategically pulled you out onto the dance floor, we still have to butter you up because unfortunately, your pussy is attached to you, and we can't have sex with it, unless you like us. So we ask you for your number and make plans for a date, or if we're feeling lucky invite you back to our place to watch this REALLY funny youtube clip.

So with all this pressure that guys have to be the ones to get girls to be validated (it can get so bad, you can actually feel bad when you go out and don't hook up), and the fact that we have to win women over (aside from the ocassional "I just want to get Drunk and Bang tonight!" scenario) makes this whole double standard come to light.

Of course guys are gonna be looked highly on if they are able to pull in quality tail, and lots of it. (Not unless he's only creeping on chicks that are wasted or lies to girls). And of course we are gonna call girls whores who just give it up to any guy. I'm not saying it's right. I don't agree with it. Girls love sex just as much as guys do and they want sex just as much as we want it. But when we have evolutionary biology and a culture so established in these rules of who is courting who, we're gonna get labels to those who deviate. Women are biologically understood to have a high cost for sex. They only have a certain number of eggs whose quality diminishes over time, and they are the ones who get pregnant and give birth to a child. Even if they abort, they have just spent weeks to months dealting with the consequences of having sex. So, biologically, they should be conservative with whom they have sex with. This is why they are attracted to the alpha male--to the one who will be worth all the trouble. Luckily, we have contraception, so women can enjoy sex as much as we do with whom they choose.

Guys on the other hand, do not have to biologically invest that much in the repercussions of sex. We make millions of sperm a day ready to be ejaculated into all different women, condoms, and tube socks. If a girl so happens to get knocked up, one would say it's our moral obligation to be there, but in reality, our job in the whole process was only 10 minutes if that. And even then, we'll take that bitch to Maury and say it is not my child!

So with all that in mind, guys are here going to the gym, learning how to play guitar, buying dinners and fancy cars all in an effort to up their game up and attractiveness so they can get women. So they can get sex, so they can find a girlfriend, so they can propose and get a wife. It would seem then that a woman who just opens up her legs to anyone doesn't care much about herself because she's giving up what so many guys work for, so easily. She just wants some dick and wants it now.

Now is this true? Not necessarily. There are definitely girls out there with no sense of self worth who do this becasue they don't think they can attract guys. Do I think a girl should be sleepin around with everyone? No, just as guys really shouldn't either, but we all have our moments when we just want sex. And both parties can and should enjoy it when and with whom they want to. But the issue is really all a matter of perception and until we change this culture where the guys are courting girls, we're not gonna stop praising the guy who can do it well often, and we're not gonna stop looking down at the girl who doesn't even bother and just opens up.